Do You Have an Origin Story?

superpower knowledge

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“I’ve decided that Doctor Strange is my favourite Marvel character. Would you like me to present my argument?”

Yes, those are the random text messages I send to my friends.

And now, since you opened this article, I shall present the abbreviated explanation to you.

Previously, I’ve been a Black Widow fan. Possibly because she was the only female member of the cinematic Marvel universe for the first half-decade of the franchise, not that there weren’t tons of other female characters to work in. (PS — for anyone who wants to fight me with canon, both Janet “The Wasp” Van Dyne and Scarlet Witch technically should have been included before Black Widow, if we are pulling directly from the origin story of The Avengers. #TheMoreYouKnow)

Anyway, I’ve been a Black Widow fan for a while, through to about 2016.

Because that is when the movie for Doctor Strange came out.

I was familiar with his character, given my familiarity (as previously referenced) with the original comics.

But something about the 2016 movie really cemented it for me.

Yes, of course, Benedict Cumberbatch is Doctor Strange — and let’s be honest, even though he doesn’t use it in the movie, we all know I’m a sucker for a tall lanky Brit with a molasses-dripping accent.

For me, the fascination with Doctor Strange is more than that.

Though they don’t touch on it much in the movies to date (I’m guessing that most of the world hasn’t read up for hours on end in the comics and narratives of the origin stories for these characters), Black Widow has superpowers that no one realizes.

Similar to Captain America (though not cryogenically frozen), Black Widow has been biotechnologically enhanced. Meaning that though they have no natural superpowers (they aren’t Norse gods or magically-endowed mutants or exposed to dangerous levels of radioactive materials), they have been pumped up full of serums and toxins that heighten their innate skills.

There are lots of characters in The Avengers (all the iterations and membership rosters) that have these superpowers, when you consider spider bites and zillionaire-bankrolled-magnetic-supersuits.

You don’t generally become a superhero without having some super-human skill or ability.

Enter Doctor Stephen Strange.

Sure, he starts with some more-than-the-average human talents, paired with an eidetic (photographic) memory and stupid amounts of surgeon wealth. 

After his accident, he exhausts all that money and his steady mastery of medical acumen, so he has nothing.

Which is what brings him to Kamar-Taj in the Himalayas, to be healed by The Ancient One.

He doesn’t know exactly how this will happen, because he has attempted to use every ounce of his money, knowledge, experience, and connections to heal himself. Nothing works.

It is in Kamar-Taj that he discovers that there is nothing that can be healed from his accident. He will always be injured — broken — damaged.

But in Kamar-Taj, no knowledge is forbidden. 

And if Doctor Stephen Strange has any superhuman skill, it is his voracious appetite for learning and ability to execute on what he now knows.

He eventually becomes a master of the magical world that he has learned about, with a few mystical items that have either pledged their allegiance or of which he has also mastered, including one of the Big Bang’s Infinity Stones.

So…getting back to my original point (after I’ve given you a super TL;DR breakdown of Doctor Strange’s timeline): this is why he is my favorite Marvel character.

He wasn’t bestowed with any superpowers or genetically enhanced — he had to master them all.

While he still has flaws, he is the least swayed Marvel character, devoted to the mystic arts that gave him a life and purpose again.

Similar to The Hulk, Doctor Strange is one of the more self-aware, as he came into his superhero skills because he was already damaged. 

The Hulk’s secret is that he’s able to transform because he’s always angry, and Strange’s secret is that he will always be injured.

Unless he chooses to focus all of his mastery of the mystic arts on himself.

Yet through the hero’s journey that his origin story follows, he has mastered not only the world to which he ventured but his own world to which he has returned (going right back to “the scene of the crime,” protector of The Sanctum Sanctorum in New York City).

Doctor Strange is not only one of the most self-actualized of the Marvel characters, but also his skills are superpowers that are actually attainable to anyone who would be open and curious enough to master them.

Plus, he’s really strange. 

And let’s be real, a really strange character is always going to be one of my favourites.

In any universe.

Being a Human (Brand)

being genuine

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Have you ever gotten a compliment that made you grin from ear to ear, but many people might not realize means so much to you?

Last year, someone paid me such a compliment in a recommendation letter I had asked them to write for an upcoming project.

Asking someone to write a recommendation letter is a huge vomit moment itself – What if they say no? What if they won’t put their name behind your work? What if they can’t think of anything good to write about you, so they ask you to write it yourself? 

Then, one day you see their name pop up in your inbox, with an attachment.

The recommendation letter.

An outside validation, waiting for you to pour over, no less than 36 times.

Sometimes they are broad and general, a template copied from a “How to write a recommendation letter” search on Google, with your name inserted.

I was fortunate, that most of mine brought tears to my eyes.

One particular included this: “After our conversation, I connected with Elisa personally, and I realized that who she is online is exactly who she is in person. That’s both wonderful and more rare than you’d think!”

It might sound silly and simple, but these two sentences are now easily in the Top 25 nice things people have ever said about me.

In this industry, writing and online, there are a lot of frauds and charlatons. Those are probably some of the kinder words I can use to describe them. This isn’t about them, though. Eyes on our own papers and all.

I’m not a saint, or even a good entrepreneur and freelancer some days. I’ve screwed things up in ways I didn’t think I’d ever be able to bounce back from.

But I’ve always tried to be genuine in all my messages and interactions. 

Sometimes to my own detriment (more often than you’d think!)

So to have an extremely prominent and internationally known person in my industry not only recognize this, but call it out to the nominations panel, it felt great.

It wasn’t necessarily about my expertise or business acumen or many of the markers of success that I see so many other people chase. That might be part of what made it so special to me.

It made me feel seen, in a way that I value, but seems to be under-valued more and more.

A passing compliment, that will stick with me for a long time to come.

Screw Reinvention, Be Your Fantastic Self

screw reinvention

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New Year, New You!

Barf.

I was talking to a friend who was going through a tough time last year, and she kept saying she needed to make huge changes. Essentially changing everything about herself. Hole up on an island for months to sweat it out at some ashram while eating far too much kale and reading way too many self-help books.

She had bought into the hype — touted by all the lifestyle bloggers and entrepreneur coaches online — that the only way to find happiness and success in what she wanted was to stop being herself and learn to be more like them.

With the end of one year transitioning into another, that is always the prime time for these folks to come out of the woodwork. To prey on your insecurities and doubts, making you believe that if you just do what they tell you (usually for a “nominal fee” that ends in 7 or 9), your life will be amazeballs and you will be the best “you” that you could ever possibly be.

Barf. Again. With dry heaving.

‘Cause here’s the thing…and it might be a little too Pollyanna-head-in-the-clouds, but I happen to believe that at our core, we are all pretty fantastic people. 

So you, yes you, waking up this weekend, pouring a cup of tea/coffee/cocoa/whisky and settling in to catch up on news and emails from the week — I think you are a pretty fantastic person.

And I’m going to tell you what I told my friend that day.

You don’t need to change your core being. You don’t need to change yourself. You are good enough for everything and more.

What we need to change are our bad habits. Our routines and limiting beliefs. 

Think of it like this.

You are a gorgeous gemstone (I like to go with pearl, don’t @ me) hidden in the darkest part of the woods.

Ever walked through the woods before? Gotten to that darkest part, where everything is mossy and dirty and enveloped by massive roots systems? Wanted to just get out of there as quickly as you could, to the pretty place where the sun shines on the colourful flowers and trees give way to perfect clearings where you can settle and relax and behold the beautiful vista that lies before you?

Who hasn’t? If Instagram has taught us anything, it’s that those are the places that people want to be.

But if you want to make changes in your life — for whatever reason, it isn’t feeling all that great — you are probably living day-to-day in that dark dank mossy mess of a forest floor.

You’re still you, though. That gorgeous gemstone, whose sparkle has been dimmed by all the dirt and muck and grime that has collected over the years.

Some of it has been there so long, it’s built a tough-to-crack shell or knotty gnarled scab. Some of it could simply be washed away with a strong soap and luxuriously warm water bath. 

Whatever has built up over your gorgeous gemstone, your truest self…that’s what you need to chip away. That’s what you need to scrub off, and learn what brought it there, so you can stay vigilant against letting it creep back again.

You don’t need to change yourself in 2019 to find the life you want.

You might need to change some of the yuck you’ve built up along the way.

But unless you are daily struggling to legitimately not be a homicidal maniac who substitutes salt for sugar in restaurant condiment shakers and knows the difference between your and you’re but refuses to use them correctly because you are a maliciously deviant being who thrives on bringing chaos and sadness to the world — you’re probably ok.

Great, even.

Beneath it all, you are that gorgeous gemstone. And you deserve the beautiful view from the vista, not to be ignored and forgotten in the darkness of the forest floor.

Sharing Rejections

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Last week, writer and Buzzfeed’s AM to DM host Saeed Jones (The Ferocity) began a conversation on Twitter by sharing a quick note of his many rejections from Breadloaf, the annual writer’s conference at Middlebury College.

He’s since gone on to write and curate content for Buzzfeed, host their live video program, and author two books, the latest on Simon & Schuster’s forthcoming roster.

In his tweet, he asked folks to share their own rejections, hoping to crowdsource some good examples of rejection failure — and subsequent successes:

rejections

Let’s just say there are a lot of people out there who have been rejected. A lot. And they’re all sharing their experiences (you can see them by checking out the hashtag #ShareYourRejections, or the hashtag #ShareYourRejection for people who can’t follow directions!)

I’m loving the updates; there are some big names there, opening up about some seriously harsh rejection they’ve experienced in life. It’s a great reminder that when you start putting yourself out there, you will probably experience rejection.

Whether it is professional or personal (ugh, who among us hasn’t worked up the gumption to finally ask someone out or admit our feelings to that special person, only to have the object of our affections decline our interest), rejection is hard. And scary. And often seems like a good enough reason to not even try, or to give up.

Now, I’ve gotta be honest with you. The hashtag is a bit of the Survivorship Bias that runs rampant among successful folks. Which makes me cringe, even though I love getting inspired reading all those messages.

Those who say “Yes, I struggled before, but I was able to work through it and overcome” are sometimes outliers.

I don’t want to tell you that every article you write will be accepted somewhere. That every book you toil away at will pick up a six-figure publishing contract. That every business idea will be the business idea that makes you a millionaire.

There’s no way to guarantee that if you keep chipping away at something, it will eventually land. Sometimes rejection doesn’t lead to success…it just leads to rejection.

The secret is in learning from the rejection, figuring out what you need to adjust for next time (and actually doing it), and deciding whether you dare to take a chance on it happening again.

I hope you do.