Isn’t it funny how often we won’t do something or make changes until something pushes us to re-evaluate?
After months of chatting with my SPIRLBFF about where we wanted our lives to be, I resolved on Memorial Day weekend to make some changes in my life.
The biggest of the changes so far is my decision to move to San Francisco in January.
Oh, did I not mention that sooner? š
Between having a bunch of clients, colleagues and friends in the Bay Area, the possibility of transferring out to UC Berkeley to finish my English degree as a CA resident ($20K tuition difference WHAT?!), finally feeling the tug of wanting a desperately needed BIG change of life, and the promise of no-snow-winters, the decision was practically made for me.
But this isn’t really about my decision to move.
It all started when I read Sam Davidson’s new book for a review over on Forbes.com (and because he is easily one of my Top 20 favorite humans on the internet). Not the “sell everything and convince yourself you are free and complete” stories that tend to float around, in the book he talks about simplifying your life by making conscious choices about where you spend your time/money/energy/life.
Then I read a post by my friend Lael Jepson about carefully choosing the people you offer a front row seat to the grand performance that is your life.
The perfect storm that swirled in my brain suddenly flashed into a serene scene that was vividly clear:
I only have 6 months left to spend with the people that matter to me in Maine.
Now let me be clear, I am fully aware of the fact that I am not falling off the face of the Earth never to return to the East Coast again. There are people who live that life sentence and I am VERY fortunate to not be one of them. The phone and internet still work in San Francisco and planes still fly West to East as well as East to West.
When your realizations are forced and you have to carefully consider your choices, those choices suddenly matter that much more.
I’m not actively shunning people or anything.
I am actively selecting people that I value (who value me back) to get a front row pass to the limited engagement of time I’ve allotted myself.
As Sam would say, we don’t need unvisited or former friends.
I think that if people add me to their online site-world-place-thing, they want to be actual friends. I don’t stop to think about the fact that they probably just want to see my pictures or add to their counts or ask me “a quick favor.” I try to value the relationship, and then I’m hurt when I realize they obviously didn’t really care in the first place.
Same happens in the 3-dimensional plane as well. Friends who live less than a mile who complain that they never see you anymore or only find time to reach out when they want something. Phones dial out the same way they receive calls and cars travel to where I am the same way that my car travels to where friends live.
Social engagements with people who don’t even reply to my Tweets and networking events with people who want to pick my brain (for free) about how to chase their dreams and offer nothing in return have tumbled headlong down the massive Chutes’n’Ladders board slide that is my life.
My friend Chris is spending 2011 writing a personal message to each and every single one of his Facebook friends telling them why they are his “friend.” I anxiously counted down the days (he is daily going through his friends alphabetically, and since I’m a genius the math was pretty easy) until mine appeared.
Elisa: The entire time I’ve known you, you’ve always been one of the friendliest and most creative people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Just scan through Ophelia’s Webb, a shining example of everything you can accomplish when you put your mind to something. Always kind and approachable, I’m glad we’re friends, and here’s to all your success!
Shit like that makes someone matter.
Sure, it feels good to hear nice things (I’m not an idiot, I know that this is totally inflating my slightly-out-of-control ego) but it also makes me realize that Chris values my friendship. For that and much more, I value his.
You know what that means?
BAM! Front row ticket. Right there.
Friendship, especially in this modern world of Face-Tweeting-Plus, is such a delicate and beautiful gift to give. It is one of the things that should matter in the beginning, middle and end. Not just at the time.
Yet it is precious.
Friendship is a small piece of you, sliced out of your chest and offered humbly with reckless abandon.
It is important to make sure that before you maim yourself, you are slicing your heart up carefully.
Hand out your pieces and front row tickets to those that will realize the precious gift that they are receiving.
Photo Credit: Flickr