This December I participated in the #Reverb10 posts on my Tumblr for approximately 20 seconds. I know this is shocking, what with my stellar track record in committing to things.
But the prompt from December 20th was written by none other than my #SPIRLBFF Jenny Blake. The prompts are created by authors hand-selected by the #Reverb10 crew. Jenny is…well…kind of a friggin’ amazing author who has a book (Life After College) coming out in 2011 (you can purchase it at a mad discount on Amazon early!)
So even if I’m not participating in the deluge of #Reverb10 posts, like my friend Jeremy I’m back in if it means supporting Jenny. (Though I’m sorry, I will never forsake bacon. That would be devastating to my soul!)
PROMPT: Future self.
Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?
Wow
I know, most people are going to write beautifully poetic letters to themselves. About how strong they are. How they are going to be so proud of themselves looking back.
But that’s not how we roll here in this brain. Shallow niceties of cliched advice about following dreams and sweating stuff and overcoming fears. They are sweet. And they inspire people. And make change. We all need to hear them, the positive push through and conquering rally call.
Don’t forget, though. I’m you. Well, 5 years from now you (on that note…keep with the yoga and running…it pays off, promise!) I know how your brain works and how you tick. So, I’m going to say this as nicely and kindly as possible, while still being direct.
wake the hell up
Seriously, Elisa, you lead a pretty semi-charmed life.
And you know it.
You have great ideas. You create brilliant strategies. You are kind-hearted. You befriend so many people that you come in contact with. When you turn your head a little to the right and smile, really smile with your eyes and all, you can be quite cute. You are smart and funny.
You are going to change the world.
But you aren’t going to do it skating by the way you have for the past 15 years. Sure, you’ve had some struggles. Sure, you’ve had some successes. Sure, you’ve been happy. Sure, you’ve created a life that a lot of people want and it’s what you thought you wanted.
But is it really?
Are you happy with what you’ve made, living life at 80%? You feel exhausted right now. Tired and run-down. Completely verging on failure. Drinking to numb it all. And so painfully alone. Managing to always put in enough effort and initiative to get fantastic results, often without trying.
It’s like running on a treadmill. Sweat pouring down your neck, pasting the wispy hair pieces to your skin. You get the endorphin rush, caloric burn, you feel like you did something for that 45 minutes. But when it’s done, you step off and you are right back where you started. You did all that running and making yourself feel productive, but you never GOT anywhere.
Make 2011 about intention. Think about what you are doing. Be deliberate.
You need to make some decisions for yourself. Don’t take the easy way out. Don’t always be reactionary, be pro-active.
You have done a pretty friggin’ amazing job with life so far. Let’s make these next 5 years something better than anything we could have imagined, eh?
————————————–
PS – I’m begging this of you. Not supposed to change the course of events or anything, but I’ve gotta give you a LITTLE glimpse. He’s gonna ask you out. He’s gonna kiss you. He’s gonna do that boy thing where they simultaneously push your hair out of your face and cradle your head in the palm. He’s gonna treat you so well and make you laugh. You are going to spend hours talking to him, laying in the crook of his arm, and it will feel like minutes. And he’s gonna drive you crazy and challenge you and make you do that thing where you actually put your fists down by your sides and stomp your foot and stick your tongue out at him in exasperation. Which will make him laugh hysterically at you and will further propel your tantrum until you dissolve into laughter as well.
You are going to fall completely ridiculously non-rationally terrifyingly in love with him. When that all happens, and that moment comes where you can run away or jump into blind trust and faith, jump. Put your arms out, close your eyes, tip your face to the sun and feel the wind as you fly off the cliff.
I can’t tell you whether you catch a gust or smash into the ground below. Because if you don’t realize it now, and let yourself take the risk, then in 5 years you’ll be me. It’s always been your biggest regret and biggest fear, all rolled into one.
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Weeping Willow Photography
Slow, building, standing clap.
This letter was absolutely amazing. I especially loved the P.S. – I see that in your future too…
And this paragraph – well I just simply could not concur with your future self more: “You have great ideas. You create brilliant strategies. You are kind-hearted. You befriend so many people that you come in contact with. When you turn your head a little to the right and smile, really smile with your eyes and all, you can be quite cute. You are smart and funny.”
YES, YES, YES, YES and YES.
You are an amazing woman, Elisa Doucette, and you absolutely are going to change the world. You already are.
Jenny – Thank YOU for writing such a great prompt. I must admit, I haven’t liked many of them (thus part of the reason I gave up writing them…that and the whole commitment thing 🙂 )
I felt it was important to write an honest ass-kicking letter. I’ve done a lot of patting myself on the back and wrapping up in the warm-fuzzy “I’m a good person and gosh-darnit people like me” blanket. Not to discount anything I’ve done, but to finally put it out there that this is only a piece of what I’ve got to offer. And what might I be capable of if I *really* put in the effort I know I’m capable of.
Plus I wanted to start in on myself now. One day some boy will sweep me off my feet, and I want to condition myself to NOT run and NOT try to fuck it up on purpose. We’ll see how that goes.
Elisa, I’m a total lurker and very rarely comment on blogs, but this one is amazing and deserves a lot of attention. It hits the nail on the head to the thing most of us struggle with the most – really doing what we know we can do, what is within our capacity. You’re doing it, you will continue to do it, Elisa! And, the P.S., well, it’s true and it’s right around the corner. You’re due.
Bravo!
Sharalyn – I’m always thrilled to hear your thoughts, though I understand the appeal of lurking as well. I’m glad you came out of the shadows to weigh in on this one.
And yes, I believe that so many of us struggle with this. Working our asses off and at one point realizing that we are still only at 80%. Knowing that we are capable of more and knowing that is why we are so drained. We are working so hard to only get 80% of the way there. Intention…doing stuff strategically and because you love it. I think that is the secret. I think.
As for the PS, thank you darling Girl In The Know. I think I’m due too. 😉
Oh Elisa, your PS made my heart feel like someone was twisting it.
(I’m obviously missing some details here, so I can speak as generally as possible for what did or didn’t happen.)
Please jump.
It’s scary. I KNOW. But I believe that when it is exactly what you described, it will be so easy to jump. And that is how you know it is real. (I did.)
Diana – Aw, no heart twisting!
It is probably easy for some. And should it get to the point that I described it would be easier. I’ve never had the opportunity though. A nice mix of I’ve never let someone close enough and never had someone who wanted to get that close.
All in due time. Hopefully after 12 years of being single, the next 5 afford me a free-fall sort of experience. I think it’s fair. Karma or the Universe or cupid or whatever the heck it is owes me at least that! 🙂
Ok that helps me understand better (I wasn’t sure if that happened already and you had major regrets). All I can say is that I never wanted a commitment from guys. But I yearned for exactly what was in your PS and that is how I knew I just didn’t find the one yet. But then came my day and I realized something very important. He could handle me. He knew how to love me to pieces yet keep me interested. And maybe that was because we were perfect for each other (gosh that sounds cheesy) but I knew that I needed someone to keep me on my toes like that. Don’t get me wrong, it has not been easy! We work very hard at this because our lives have been filled with ambiguity for the past few years. It is not the fairytale romcom we see in the movies all the time. But for those “PS” moments, it is totally worth it. And I think that is a problem that some women (and men) have – as soon as it gets hard – they leave. You really need to figure out if it’s worth it because even perfect isn’t perfect sometimes.
I think you have to find the guy who can handle all of you and know how to navigate your sexy self – then this will be easy. But you already know this.
May I ask a weird question? What is the SP in SPIRLBFF? 🙂 Super? (I just met Jenny last week and it’s so cool you gals are so close.)
Diana – I sometimes forget people don’t know the whole back-story of my dating world. I’m very staunchly of the opinion that I’m not going to settle for anything less than what I describe in the PS, I just haven’t met that guy yet. It’ll come, I’m sure of it. I’ve long held the belief that somehow there is a moment in dating when you just know. You hear couples talk about it all the time. When they “just knew” that they were supposed to be together. It’s the moment the gust of wind catches you in that free-fall and you know you’re safe.
And yes, many have speculated that I need to find a guy who can handle me. In most of my exes defense, however, I would have been a HORRIBLE girlfriend up til about a year ago. But now I’m friggin’ awesome so it gets tiresome sometimes. 🙂
Haha, as for other backstories…the SP in SPIRLBFF stands for Slumber Party. When Jenny and I first started talking to each other off the social media grid, it was through Skype and we’d be in jammies and coffee early Sunday mornings. Then I went out to SF this past April for what we called the IRLSP. Since then I’ve flipped the letters cause SPIRLBFF works so much better than IRLSPBFF.
She’s pretty awesome, and loved meeting you ladies in NYC. You can learn more of our internet-turned-real life-best friendship on the post I wrote when I went out there: http://www.opheliaswebb.com/2010/04/how-blogging-got-me-a-best-friend/
I hear ya on the horrible girlfriend thing.
Thanks for the explanation! I try to read back on blogs but sometimes it is impossible.
You “just knew” with Jenny. 😉
Diana – ha! Yes – Elisa and I totally “just knew” – as evidenced by our leaping-screaming-crying airport moment embrace. People nearby seriously thought they were watching a BFF rom-com scene, I’m sure.
On that note, so great meeting you in NYC too!!
I think the people at the airport were more perplexed as I stood in the security line silently crying. Fortunately that isn’t suspicious to TSA or anything…
Great note to yourself.
Very open, authentic and vulnerable in a way. Glad that you explained the long SPIRLBFF because I was wondering as well. The PS was precious. You deserve such a great significant other and whoever ends up with you will be beyond lucky. I just know it.
Otherwise, hope that you can dig deep and find that 100%. You seem very passionate and I am sure that every single piece of your life will fall into place in due time along with taking the leap with relationships.
Don’t ever waste your time, jump when your heart tells you so. Listen to it because it never lies.
Continue what you’re doing, you are making the world a better place.
Felice – Haha, I think SPIRLBFF is going to be added to the FAQ section I’ve been working on for my updated “About Me”. I often forget that not everyone will know (even after reading the post) that SPIRLBFF is an acronym and a weird (but awesomely great) one at that!
You offer such sage advice – normally I’m slightly irked by it in comments but I know yours comes from such a good place that I’m instead honored by them. I am working on the deep dive, finding more meaning and intention to my life and less busywork.
That applies very much to relationships as well. Thank you SO MUCH for your comment. 🙂