I have to throw this phrase around at least once a week. In fact, once during a conversation someone actually said to me “Elisa, since you’re the closest thing we have to a girl here, what do you think?” It was a group of guys, and they meant no disrespect…for some strange reason they thought my opinion might be girlie enough to counter their very male perspective.
This is quite amusing for someone with an entire beauty regimen of hair, facial scrubs and make-up (as my girlfriend would say, this doesn’t just happen!) and an obsession with feminist refrigerator magnets. The guy comparisons aren’t just because my office radio & company car are permanently tuned to WJAB Sports Radio or will take a beer and pub food over salad and wine spritzers any day. I mean, I’m extremely involved and devoted to one of the largest non-profit foundations for women in Maine. And guys and girls are much more than stereotypes, right?
Yet while out with a bunch of girls listening to them talk about shopping woes, stress and time, boys who don’t return their calls and eventually one starting to cry (yes, in a bar) I texted a few of my guy friends, lamenting the fact that I hate going “out on the town” with groups of women. From the responses I got back the overwhelming sentiment was, “That’s what you get for hanging out with girls.” That night was the moment that the neurons finally started pinging off each other in my brain.
I’m the missing link.
It’s not stereotypes or make-up or Shipyard that make me this not-so-average girl next door. I love to be girly and bubbly and feminine but at the same time I need time to kick back with my boys and raucously enjoy the simpler things in life. Rather than braving the mall on Black Friday for super sales on shoes I’d rather curl up with my newest book and a gin & tonic relaxing away from the world. And most importantly I need the chance to be giddy and giggly with the girls but I’m peacing out as soon as we start talking emotions and feelings to hang out and laugh at immature jokes that would make a 12 year old boy snort milk.
After becoming engrossed in the show Tough Love I realized I might be able to make some use of this. The host is a man who, while the most well intentioned and seemingly knowledgeable of dating coaches (I actually agree with a lot of the things he says…) his inability at times to communicate with the women was painfully obvious. He was offering tough love and trying to fix things as guys do. He wasn’t realizing, however, that for girls there has to be love before it can be tough and women want to work together to fix things they don’t always want to be told how to fix them.
Thus I will be starting a new series on my blog, the Guys’ Girl’s Guide. Observations on guys and girls from someone who seems to straddle both sides of the fence. I’m not sure if it’s science or if its society, but gosh the genders sure are different. Yet, at the same time, I’m willing to bet that over the course of the series we’ll find there’s a lot that’s the same, too.
Look to the Webb every Thursday for the newest installment of the Guys’ Girl’s Guide
Spot on. This is going to make for some interesting reading…
For years men have heard they need to listen to their feminie side now and then. What is wrong with women listening and involving their masculine side now and then. Aren’t they the same thing. That is what you have done and are doing.
Char – Hopefully it will be interesting. As long as people don’t fall asleep in the middle of reading it like my roomie! 🙂
Paul (Dad for folks new to the Webb!) – That is a very good point. I hadn’t really thought about it that way, but agree very much. Here’s hoping each of the “sides” can get more in touch with the other!
Great post. I’m excited to read more of the series. I can completely relate. I can take women in small doses. Namely, one at a time. I was dancing for a ballet company (what I love to do), but the women drove me out of it. I couldn’t stand it.
I’m so happy that I indirectly ‘inspired’ you to write a challenging and ‘outside the box’ post. You’ve proven more than the fact that you are, in fact, a girl. You’ve proven that you are, in fact, YOURSELF.
You’ve risen above stereotypes and instead of doing and saying what you’re ‘supposed’ to do, your living your life the way you want to live it. If that means beer and darts at the bar over shopping and gossip – so be it. I’m really excited to read this series as it develops.
And two things. One, I’ve got some ‘controversy’ coming up in the not TOO distant future at my blog, so I will be taking my own advice in stepping outside of my comfort zone, and two – I’m watching Tough Love right now. As a guy, does that make me cross stereotypes when I admit I watch these VH1 reality shows? 🙂
Wow @legaldunki, I very much understand the ballet company issues. My sister danced for 15 years and taught for at least 8…those places are crazy!
@Matthew, haha! I’m watching Tough Love right now, the girls are all starting to cry, though, and that’s a little much for me. I think you are taking an important step in breaking down the stereotypes and setting up controversy!
Okay – we are definitely kindred spirits.
Once I was on a date and told the guy that "sometimes I think I was born as a guy in a girl's body", given that I love football, hate drama, get overwhelmed at scenes with too much estrogen (Chris Daughtry concerts) and love to kick back with a beer.
He actually asked me if I had gender identity issues!! I replied with, "If you are asking if I am a transgender, NO, I am not." On a date? C'mon, give me a break!
Hi Elisa!
I straddle both sides of the fence too. Nice to meet you! 🙂
I’m a guy who generally always preferred to hang out with women. Though, because I’m indigo*, I don’t hang out with many people, I’m too sensitive to take big crowds. But the friends I have had have been generally either female or non-standard males. I’m like the girls in your dating show, I need love before I can take tough love, and I generally shy away from sports or anything seriously competitive. I know I have this masculine side to me, but it’s just not that strong.
*Indigo, sometimes known as indigo child, highly sensitive individual with spiritual leanings, loner and supreme black sheep.
I do agree that guys and girls are much, much more than stereotypes. Every time I’ve tried to identify myself with one thing or another I’ve felt myself confined and had to undo. I see people who confine themselves to a gender as very limited – they seem crippled, they’re missing out on half of life!
Andrew