How To Find Happiness In The Darkness

We’ve been there.

Lying limp and beaten at the bottom of a cavernous hole so deep that the light above is barely a pinprick in the expanse of darkness.

Heck, I was there last week. (Well, in fairness, I was there on April 14th.)

This isn’t a post about how everything is all better now. Life doesn’t really work that way.

Instead it is about the realization that you achieve while you are lying there on the cold dirty ground. That the light might be impossibly far away, but oftentimes impossible things are in fact possible. We just can’t bring ourselves to believe that is true.

So how do we get ourselves to that point when we unfurl from our sobbing fetal position, stretch out our exhausted muscles and try to sit up and make sense of where we are.

Say It Out Loud – Admit It

They always say that this first step is the hardest, and man, they aren’t kidding.

Maybe you have managed to convince yourself that there is no possibility, no hope.* Maybe you have managed to completely fool your brainwaves into thinking that everything is actually ok.

Maybe you have come to believe that the sparkling unicorns that dance merrily in front of you telling you how to forge into the forest and steal the Gingerbread Man’s gumdrop buttons are your only friends in the world.

Before you admit it to yourself, and possibly a significant other/BFF/colleague/entire-blogging-audience, then you allow yourself to wallow in the pain (sometimes unknowingly) and live out the status quo, believing that it will never get better.

Until you will speak the words “This Sucks” and adopt them into your psyche, nothing is going to change.

Self-Indulge – Wallow – Throw Shit

Lots of people will say that now that you have admitted that you are having a rough go of things, then you should just get over yourself and move on.

Those people managed to hit a cliff or ledge on  their way down to the hole-floor. Or they don’t even know where or what the hole is. Or they read a LOT of books from The Oprah Book Club and/or watch a LOT of kitten videos on YouTube and feel they are somehow qualified to dish out cliched and condescending advice.

(Please know they mean well, and don’t punch them in the face. An assault charge will not help matters at this point in time.)

Now that you have admitted that your pain and situation/circumstances are real, we are gonna fly through the stages of grief right to Anger. (Or if you {miraculously} aren’t in a place of anger, we’re gonna go to a place where you basically hug yourself for 12 hours straight).

Take the time to adjust to the feelings you are feeling. Promptly swishing past them and trying to pretend everything is ok will not help. They’ll come back twice (or seventy times) as bad.

Just don’t hang out in this place too long. It is VERY easy to get comfortable, and one can only eat so many cheeze balls in one sitting (believe me, I know).

 Shake Things Up

Like you see on one of those dramatic medical shows that everyone is hooking up with everyone else on, sometimes people’s hearts stop. Their spirits just give up on them for a minute. The doctors have to grab those electric paddle things that ZAPPPPP the lifeless body back to reality.

When you are in this funky frankly fuckity place, it is easy to get stuck in that self-indulge/wallow/pamper/throw-shit world. Do something that jolts you right the heck out of it!

New drastic haircut. Visit someplace new. Try a restaurant type you have never had before. Fall in love. Eat ridiculously indulgent gooey chocolatey desserts. Sneak onto a baseball field and practice your homerun skills while the imaginary crowd chants your name.

The timing might not be right. It might, in fact, seem like the worst idea you have ever had.

And you know what – that is PERFECT! That probably means that it is, in fact, an excellent idea.

Now that we’ve coddled ourselves and feel warm and fuzzy we’re gonna get into some tough love.

The status quo hasn’t really been working for you. Or maybe you like laying dirty at the bottom of ridiculously deep well?

Do something different. Something that you love so much that your heart explodes in a big disgusting hearty mess all over the wall. Or that scares you so much you want to throw up on your shoes.

Don’t think that doing these things will be ALL you need to “fix things”. But they will certainly start giving you some tools.

It is the only way to shake yourself sound enough to turn the WANTING to do something into the action of actually DOING something.

Ask For Help

There’s no shame in it.

It helps you think things out. It can make you feel better. You learn that there are people who have struggled/are struggling/will struggle with the same things.

You can work together. Form a band of merry miserables hell bent on making life better. Realize that even though you might feel that way, you are not alone.

Also, don’t be afraid to take help when it is offered. Whether it is an actual physical helpful thing or *just* an ear to bend or shoulder to lean on, they are all going to help you feel better.

Oh! And please please PLEASE do not turn down help when it is offered. That is just silly. And insulting to the help offerer. So, don’t, m’kay?

Grab The Reigns of Your Destiny and Ride That Ride

We’re past the feeling bad portion of this downward spiral. Remember, we’ve gotten that out of our system? We broke things then ate chocolate and played baseball. You did those things, right? Cause they are vitally important.

I think, in part, it involves sitting at your computer working with this song on repeat for seven hours straight.

For me, I’m still in the ask for help/accept help step of this brilliant manifesto checklist, so I’ll have to get back to you on the grab the reigns part. The fullest and/or implementation of it.

Or, you know. You can keep reading and see how the story turns out.  😉

* Sometimes you can’t pull yourself out of the darkness on your own, or even with the help of friends and family. It takes just as much bravery (sometimes more) to admit you need more help than warm fuzzies and if your heart collapses with despair at the possibility of even beginning to slog through these steps, then please do me a favor as your loving online blogging girl and seek out professional services. There is no shame in it, and I want to see you happy, healthy and fulfilled round these parts!

Photo Credit: Unseen Portland  :: Photo By KJMaine