People don’t get car-jacked at grocery store beside the mall in Maine.
At least that’s what I kept telling myself as I prepared to have a gun stuck inside the passenger window of my Jeep as I rolled it down.
It started on a Sunday afternoon as I swung by Bank of America to deposit some checks from clients. I noticed a rather scruffy gentleman shuffling across the parking lot from the grocery store, appearing to be heading for the roadway on the other side of my bank.
I was a little alarmed. I’ve watched enough movies and TV shows to know that this is how people get robbed at ATM’s. But I decided to be a “better person” and not judge this man who might just be down on his luck and probably wouldn’t bother me at all.
I pulled my Jeep around to the ATM, put in my card, and grabbed the checks to start depositing. I glanced out the front of my windshield to see the scruffy guy approaching my Jeep. My heartbeat quickened and my eyes darted around. There was no one else at the ATM bays, and though we were on a busy roadway it wasn’t a high-traffic time of day.
“Stop it,” I told myself. “You’re totally judging this guy based on his appearance. He is just going to walk past the Jeep he’s not going to do anything.”
I continued with my transaction and got all my checks deposited. Since I’ve been meeting with people and clients more often, I try to keep cash on me at all times. Putting a $2 coffee on my card just feels pretentious, plus I feel bad making a merchant take on those fees.
As I re-typed my PIN for the withdrawal transaction I was acutely aware of this man, seeming to walk towards my Jeep. Again with the quickened heartbeat, seeming to make my mind leap to a million different scenarios in a matter of seconds. “Stop it, he isn’t going to bother you. He’s probably a nice guy. Don’t judge him.”
I selected, with a shaking hand by now, the $40 button. I trained my gaze on the ATM screen, desperate to not make eye contact with this man feet away from my car. And that’s when I jumped practically out of my skin.
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
There was no way to avoid it, he was at my passenger side window, tapping on the glass. Only an idiot would open the window. I knew this. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, deep within the grey matter, a little electonic stimulus was trying to engage my flight response. Telling me to get the hell out of there.
But another part of my brain, or possibly my liberal bleeding heart, told me “It’s ok, just find out what he wants. I’m sure it’s just bus money, there’s a stop at the mall.”
I rolled down the window, and he leaned the entire top half of his body into my car. He looked up at me, sneering through chapped lips. Reeking, unfortunately, of alcohol, he slurred at me “Do you have a couple dollars?”
I stared at my Kate Spade striped wallet, laying in the seat with 2-Twenties and a Ten. I reached under his torso and grabbed the wallet to pull out a ten. I couldn’t control my hand as it was shaking and I felt like it was 10 degrees in my car. I couldn’t talk, my heart pounding in my throat.
“Bless you my dear.” He winked and took the $10, pulled himself out of my open window and shuffled away from my Jeep. I spent no time staying at the ATM port, I practically laid tire getting out of there.
I had looked to the light in humanity, terrified but desperate to not judge a book by its cover. And it had worked out.
But in reality? I could have just as easily have been robbed, car jacked, abducted…shall I go on?
Sure, it had a bit to do with the cover I was desperately trying to look past.
So much that I put myself in a foolish situation that could have had a MUCH different outcome.
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Kevin Trageser
We DO have stereotypes for a reason…they are based off reality.
I like that you showed this other side of the story because I really do not like to judge by the cover, largely because, with my own fashion let’s say, sometimes I’m a total scrub haha and sometimes I will dress really nice because I love style and fashion but I’m not “snobyy” or how someone might think just because of the way I dress.
Alas, there are reasons and signs we have to look out and be prepared. Glad nothing happened to you!
Grace – I say that often. I realize SOME stereotypes are either outdated or embellished, but like any urban legend they are generally founded on some piece of truth.
And I’m a TOTAL scrub dresser most of the time. Jeans (or yoga pants), T-Shirt (or fleece) and sometimes even crocs. Other times I do the full on dress up cause, as you mention, I like to look nice and feel pretty and whatnot. The crowd I’m with and event we’re at generally facilitates which ensemble to go with. 😉
Nice way to let your parents know you could have been robbed, molested, kidnapped, sold into white slavery… Don’t ever roll your window down for anyone. You are not as defensive as you may think especially if he had had a gun. Nest time just hit the gas and go before he gets near your car. I know it is unChristian not to help a fellow person in need but you did not know it until he was at your car. I do commend you for helping him out and glad that is all it was but next time don’t take the chance, please.
PDiddy – Do I need to review my parental commenting policy on this blog? It happened over three weeks ago, and I’m totally fine. Thus no need to tell my parents about the homeless guy I gave $10 to. Cause that’s all that ended up happening. 🙂
Believe me, I am aware of the bad situation I was in. I will not be doing that again anytime soon.
Well first, glad that you are ok. Secondly, I have had lots of discussion with people on the word judgemental. Don’t be afraid to have an opinion of someone based on circumstantial evidence. That is not being judgemental. Judgemental is gathering whether or not they are a good person based on things they might have said/done. I don’t agree with Grace about stereotypes, but deep down you always have to trust your gut. Regardless of what the guy looked like, look at the situation – you are a female, by yourself, in a deserted parking lot. Even if he was dressed in a suit I would still be cautious.
So next time give people the benefit of the doubt when it doesn’t compromise your safety. Everything happens for a reason. now, you know better. Shake it off, and keep on truckin’ 🙂
Lissa – Yes, that is VERY true. It could have been the suavest person in the world carjacking me. I’ve seen The Bourne Identity, that shit happens! Perhaps that is why, in a small way, I kept pushing my luck in the situation. Somehow I *knew* this guy was just looking for help, but it is also very true that given the circumstances I should NOT have let it get to that point.
I think sometimes we forget to follow our gut instincts and really do try and push the situation. Perhaps it’s the rational part of the brain telling us to look past our well-established (sometimes correct) stereotypes. Perhaps it’s our need to look at the bright side of humanity. I am slowly learning to obey those baser instincts in some situations, and not follow them. You just never know.
Glad you’re okay!
Mehnaz – I think you’re definitely right on, especially in the need to look at the bright side of humanity. To find the good in situations and people, and somehow think that the bad would never happen to us. To rationalize it away.
I definitely try to follow the baser instincts more and more. But a piece of me cannot help but cling to the possibility for goodness in the world rather than bad. This might get me carjacked eventually. I’m working on coming to grips with that too. 🙂
You are a better person than I. If I was in that car with you I would have told you to lay rubber the second that guy came towards the car. It’s true that there are stereotypes and usually they are not fair ones and sometimes incorrect. Unfortunately we guess the wrong stereotype because the bad stereotype has played itself out way too many times. Personally, I will never roll my window down, pick up a hitch hiker or roll down my window all the way if a cop pulls me over at 3am. I just don’t want to be part of the 1% that “doesn’t end well”. So my question is, do I make the judge a book by the cover or do I become the unfortunate statistic?
Amy – Yeah, I’m pretty sure you would have hit me and stepped on the gas pedal yourself if you had been with me. 🙂
It does make the question that much harder though. I want to make sure to keep my safety in mind, but I want so much to see the good in people. It’s difficult, most definitely.
And yes, hitch hiking is a TOTALLY other ballgame. Similar to couchsurfing. Which reminds me of something I wanted to chat with you about…