When I miss my friends and family back home…I email them. I Facebook them. I call them. I meet up with them when they travel in the same place I am.
I tried, for the first ten months or so that I was traveling, to get people to Skype with me. Some were willing, others not so much. At first I spent a lot of time being frustrated and…well…angry.
Must *I* always be the one to meet people halfway?
Did I have to be the one to bend every time?
I realized the answer.
If I wanted to have a relationship with these people from tens of thousands of mile away was: YES.
I could spend all the time I wanted in a petulant temper-tantrum about the fact that I had to make all these concessions, but the truth of the situation is that *I* am the one who created it. I’m the one who packed a backpack and booked a one-way ticket and left them.
Of course their lives went on the same as they always have and mine went a totally different way. It isn’t that they aren’t interested or don’t care or can’t make time…I’m the one who left. They can either attempt to keep up with me and chase me across the planet, or I can touch base with them in the same exact place they’ve always been.
I could continue to be sad about the fact I didn’t “have my friends” anymore or I could do something about it. So happily (most of the time) I bend to meet them where they are. Because it is important to me.
They are important to me.
We make time and put effort in our lives for the things that are important to us.
As for friends on the road, sure it is hard at first. That is coming from an extreme introvert that would rather spend the day curled up with a book and headphones in an overstuffed chair than have to talk to anyone outside my bubble.
But again, I make efforts and make it happen, because not feeling miserable and alone is pretty important to me. I hang out with local folks who speak English and are willing to put up with my terrible attempts to speak their language. I work at cafes and coffee shops so that people can approach me to ask questions. I strike up conversations with strangers at restaurants and food stalls. I sit at bars so that I can strike up conversations with strangers without seeming like a creeper. I reach out to DCers in the area and try to set up time to meet up. I create friendships and relationships that are about more than chasing dates and drinking constantly and sightseeing.
I keep in touch with those people even after we’ve left the place, in many of the same ways I keep in touch with my family and friends back home. Then when we are back in those places (or together in new places), it is easy to pick up the friendship again. Like nothing changed except a zip code.
For me, the biggest suck of being location independent is never feeling totally centered and grounded.
I feel as though I’m always finding a place to live, finding a new coffee shop, finding a new pair of scissors, etc etc. Then the fun…new places to find, new restaurants to try, new people to meet. Which is so exciting! And so exhausting! The time and energy it takes me to get settled into a new place is a total suck of my productivity.
Knowing I can call any number of friends on the phone, spend hours on Skype with my sister making faces and watching her cats, meet up with friends in the city I’m currently living for a co-working afternoon at a cafe ….it makes the sucky feelings of not feeling totally centered and grounded a little easier to deal with.
As my friend Elsa recently updated on her Facebook: Good news on social media tonight! One new baby and the perfect wedding dress was found. I delight that I can share these moments.
I delight as well.
Even from tens of thousands of miles away.
Couldn’t agree more, when we decide to travel the world the onus is on us to keep in touch.
DT
PS. aren’t I clever? onus / on us (that one’s free Doucette)
Haha, I definitely chuckled at that one. Person I was sitting with was like “What’s so funny?” He agreed after I shared. 😉
“Then when we are back in those places (or together in new places), it is easy to pick up the friendship again. Like nothing changed except a zip code.” This is what I love about re-connected with friends. The PT lifestyle means always striking a balance! Nice post.
It is a constant endeavor in striking a balance…and I’ll often tip the scale a little to my side if need be to make sure that the connections that matter to me maintain. Even when I forget to reply to emails for 10 days. 😉
Wow! I haven’t been able to follow your blog too often (but i have checked from time to time). I remember checking out it when I saw a post on a HS friend’s FB wall about her friend moving to Bali and saw your great blog. I hope things are as amazing out there as when you first moved there. Do you still keep up the other blog?
Definitely I completely understand your frustration with that. I have that issue all the time with friends, family etc. If you want to make something happen you need to make it happen. I gave up getting upset and said the same thing, if it’s important to me I’ll make the time and effort to do it. I now see people more often when I’m in town and I think I’m in better contact with people then I was a few years ago even though my travel is no less (and possibly more).
The strange thing about returning for me has always been the amount of things that change and stay the same. I recently returned from a 6month stay doing something I had wanted to do and studying a language and I returned back to work (i was surprised i had work to return to) and it seemed like things in some ways changed but hadn’t changed at all. The funny thing about travel I find is that the memories you previously built in a year are now built in a month (or less) and you live so much life in such a short period of time, that really the thing that changed so much is yourself. And it gets hard to adapt to that, because even if they are the same person you very often are not. I’m an INTJ as well, and people have a hard time believing that (the introvert part) now I think due to all my travel and the needs and skills I have with being able to talk and interact with people.