Is taking a risk less impressive if someone had help getting there?
This was the topic of conversation a couple nights ago over Italian pizza with some folks from the Dynamite Circle mastermind that I am a part of. We were discussing a recent post in which someone was telling the story of the risk they had taken and the happiness that they had found as a result of this risk.
The thing is, they left out a huge part of the story. They positioned their story of risk as an adventure that they had engaged in solo and persevered through by the grit of their own determination. We, however, knew that the part they were omitting was that a mentor had helped immensely by creating a process to aid the near seamless transition to their new life.
It can be hard when sharing stories to outline every single detail. We often end up telling little white lies by omission, merely because there isn’t enough time, space, attention span to share EVERY GORY DETAIL.
This was more though. This was someone altering the facts of their story to make themselves sound more impressive.
I often get emails from readers and friends saying things like (quoted):
I really wish I could be as brave as you.
There’s this fallacy in the world of non-conformed exceptional living that you have to take a deep breath, pull up your big girl panties, and leap off cliffs to make changes in your life that are worthy of being admired.
This is a total lie.
Sure, I took a big huge MASSIVE risk moving to Bali to life in a house with a couple dudes I totally didn’t know while writing and strategizing for their brand. Hell, I had to get my first passport ever to even get on the plane. I had never lived outside my home state (let alone my home country!)
Is my story somehow less exciting when you add that Dan and Ian (the boss men) put me up rent-free in a gorgeous villa with a killer backyard garden and pool for six months? That they provide me with a monthly contractors check for the work I do for their companies? How my housemates had a full circle of people (both local and ex-pat) already living in Bali for me to become friends with?
Do these things make my risk less meaningful?
We come up against so many challenges in our lives.
Not everything has to be.
If you are able to live your story by accepting the help and support of others who believe in you…do it.
Great stories are not merely the stringing together of a series of events and facts. They are the journey that a hero takes. A great story is great because you yearn for the hero to succeed.
Who the fuck cares if they didn’t go it totally alone? Supporting characters are pivotal to most plots!
When I applied for this opportunity, I quoted Paulo Coehlo:
When you really want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. (The Alchemist)
People talk about how lucky someone is. Or how talented/smart/ambitious they must be. That an average person could never manifest the lifestyle and story that this extraordinary person managed to create for themselves. But often it is simply that those people are able to recognize and seize extraordinary opportunities when they present themselves.
More often those opportunities come with the aid and conspiracy of the universe and people around them.
Don’t be afraid to take your deepest darkest scariest risks out for a spin.
Even if the first few times you have to use training wheels to do it.
photo credit: hugojcardoso via photo pin cc
The story becomes more exciting when you add two men, IMO.
The supporting cast is so critical to almost every success. There are very few me-against-the-world types of things. When telling stories, it’s really difficult to translate those kinds of intricacies. But it’s an interesting angle– oftentimes it’s the determination to do something massive and crazy is exactly what inspires others to support you, join you, and help you out if things don’t 100% work out.
When I quit my job and took off to do this biznass thing, I received a ton of support. The punchline is that I only received the support after I made the decision. Nobody would have supported an “idea.” Once I was walking out the door they jumped on board. Close one door, open another.
Is this comment adding any value? Hmph. Back to work….
Ok… who am I kidding. Speaking of lies of omission. I actually leaving this page to go watch this plane land:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7rpxf2Nx8Y&feature=fvwrel
You can’t be awesome all the time.
That’s an interesting point. 😛
Seriously, it is another facet to the concept. Even when you are using training wheels or getting help and support, it is generally because you have created something that people WANT to help and support.
Coelho doesn’t say “Wish really hard and the universe will give you a unicorn” he says “When you really want something” which I have ALWAYS taken to mean “When you are willing to put in the hard work on your end, the universe will conspire on its end.”
PS – You and your airplanes…
Wow–of course we need help to take those risks. We’re still human, just like everyone else. And yet, there’s still that idea that creeps into my mind that maybe those people who run off to do brave things got served an extra helping of something I missed out on… But then I remember that for every brave thing I did, there was someone helping me along to meet the challenge. It’s quite often not the lonely road. You’re absolutely right-on to point this out.
Haha, I think you and I both missed out on that “extra helping” of whatever those brave people get! I have done a couple brave things that mark a little of extremely un-brave things. Neither was happier for me. They just were.
You are right. The road is often not lonely. Why try to make it that way or try to make it harder?! Relationships and sharing your peaks and valleys with others can sometimes be the BEST PART of the journey.
Really great piece Elisa, I enjoy your writing style!
“Great stories are not merely the stringing together of a series of events and facts. They are the journey that a hero takes. A great story is great because you yearn for the hero to succeed.” = totally inspiring 🙂
I also appreciate the bit about success appearing as luck to the outsider while in reality one ultimately has manifested or created their own extraordinary opportunities. It’s so easy to look at folks who are in the height of their success and ASSume that it’s all falling into place for them.
In the end, it seems it’s REALLY about working our tails off to open doors to live the life we choose.
Looking forward to following your work 😉
Hey Other Elisa! 🙂
Yes, it is easy sometimes to look at people think they are just lucky bastards. But we are definitely the orchestrators of our own fate. As you eloquently put it “In the end, it seems it’s REALLY about working our tails off to open doors to live the life we choose.”
People who are willing to do that, rogue and solo or with an action team, always have excellent stories to tell.
I love this! And you’re right, doing it totally alone doesn’t mean that others don’t take risks. We in fact lean on many people even if we are alone, we can’t do operate with support and help from others. You did take a big risk, but it’s all relative right? Our paradigms are all different. I think the cool part is that we’re all enabled to just leap. For me, it’s always getting past the mental or part in my mind that contrives what my heart may say 🙂
Haha, believe me, I’m one of the least hesitant leapers out there. I just happen to take really big ones when I do. 🙂 My mind and heart are constantly at odds.