Trying to buck the Status Quo is becoming SOOO Status Quo.
The American Dream used to be a good career with benefits, a mortgage on a house in a suburb, 2.5 children (I always felt bad for that half-a-child), a happy marriage and an always stocked liquor cabinet.
It’s easy to see how the idyllic quickly became tainted.
The problem with any Status Quo is that when we see someone else doing something that makes them happy, everyone thinks “Hey, that makes him/her happy, so that’s gonna make me happy too.”
And soon enough everyone trying to live against the Status Quo became the New Status Quo.
We see it everywhere, and it’s growing faster than the bird flu in a chicken coop. Websites telling us what we should do or think. People speculating that you are nothing but a mindless drone incapable of your own thought because you are not living the same life that they lead. Observing how sheltered and unworldly you are because you don’t have as many stamps on your passport. Wondering how pathetic your life must be because you settled down with someone you love and started a family together.
It’s like a boot-camp. We are broken down in our current (Old Status Quo) mindset to to be built back up into the New Status Quo.
Living someone else’s life will not bring you happiness.
- Travel because you want to see the world and experience other cultures.
- Change careers or start a business because you know in your gut that you do not want to be doing “this work” for another 30-40 years.
- Flit from one relationship (or date (or one-night-stand)) to another without settling down roots because you are looking for someone that makes you feel like the best version of yourself, or you enjoy life on your own.
- Get a Twitter or a Facebook or a WordPress or a Tumblr or a BLAH-BE-DEE-BLAH because you think it would be interesting and fun to build connections online.
- Get rid of your stuff and live with less than 100 items of personal belonging because you crave an extreme way of living that places little value on most material things and more value on things intangible.
- Move or relocate every year because you want to challenge yourself in new surroundings.
Just doing the things above will not make you a better or a happier person.
Appearances are fleeting, true change comes from within. You can move to the ends of the Earth or alter everything about yourself or flee from commitment or live out of a dresser drawer as much as you want. If you aren’t doing these things for the right reasons (meaning if you are just doing them cause you desperately crave to live a life (any life!) other than your own) then you will probably end up sadder and miserable-r than you were when you first started.
Absolutely buy into the New Status Quo if the change on the inside manifests to making those changes on the outside. Take the advice and guidance of people offering if it reflects the changes you want to make. But don’t do it just because everyone is jumping on the location independent/entrepreneur/social media/minimalistic bandwagon.
And stay as you are if you are truly happy with your life as it stands.
Don’t ever let someone else tell you what to do, what to think, or how to live your life.
Be the author of your OWN life. Live it on your terms, not by doing the things that the experts are telling you that you have to do.
And don’t think you are a “rebel” because you have decided to look down your nose at a lifestyle that MANY people are very content to live.
We are all far more drawn to the drones than we want to believe.
Photo Credit: Creative Commons – Flickr – Mickey van der Stap
Interesting post, and I will have to agree. However I think it’s very untrue that “most” people want a location independent lifestyle or minimalism or whatever is the newest rebelling against status quo life. In fact, a very small number of bloggers who populate the social media sphere create this perception that a lot of people are into this lifestyle but this is simply not true. In “real life” the overwhelming majority of people I know- friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances- are all vastly in favor of a “status quo” life. All my friends & classmates are into finding a stable job, following their interest/passion, settling down with their love, etc. It’s not like most people want to rebel – actually very very few do (i have only met like 1 freelance person in real life, and this was someone i met through twitter…) but that bloggers create this odd perception that everyone wants this lifestyle.
Akhila – That is very true, many people online forget the bubble we live in. But I think there is definitely a shift happening towards this new status quo. The Art of Non-Conformity is at the top of the Amazon best sellers, Ev Bogue is being interviewed on CBS Evening News, people are shelling out hundred of thousands of dollars to go on these “life changing retreats.”
I don’t believe that most people are unhappy with their current status quo. I do believe, however, that many of them are convincing themselves that they are.
I hate when people just say great post, but I have been sick for more than a week and I just tried to write an intelligent reply and fell short. So, great post. Bravo. More of this please.
Rebecca – Haha, I’ve totally had those moments. Desperately wanting to contribute but not able to offer anything other than “That was swell.”
Appreciate the sentiment nonetheless, and will attempt to keep putting out stuff like it. 😉
It’s like the emo/goth/punk (whatever you want to call them) kids we all went to high school with. They all thought they were so different for dressing in black and listening to alternative music. But the reality is they weren’t different at all! There were 50 of them at the same school and thousands more just like them at other schools. And their so-called alternative music wasn’t much of an alternative at all! It was mainstream and not unique in the least…just like them. They too felt they were rebelling and rejecting the status quo. Ha.
All this talk on the Internet about living a minimalist lifestyle and being location independent and rejecting the status quo really makes me laugh (and vomit). They think they are changing the world and opening up people’s eyes to some brand new way of thinking and living. NONE of it is brand new info at all! It’s taking the same age-old hippie mentality from the 60s and digitally repackaging it to fit modern times filled with tech savvy peers.
So instead of burning their bras in protest, they add a Twitter hashtag to let the public known where they stand on a subject matter. And instead of hanging a paper banner on the side of a rusted VW van, they paste a pixilated one on their glossy blog. Like I said, same message, just a different way to deliver it.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not cool with couch surfing after the age of 22 when I should be an adult with an actual home address. And I’m not cool with only having one pair of crusty socks I have to wash 7 days a week because having more than a dozen items to my name clouds my minimalist thinking. WTF?
The reality is that thinking and doing and living for oneself has been going on for years! So all the minimalists, location indies, status quo rejecters and wantrepreneurs can stop acting like they are onto something new. There are millions of you out there and you can’t click 2 links deep on the web without bumping into one of your clones/drones.
I don’t cram my entrepreneurship lifestyle on everyone because it’s not FOR everyone. And that is perfectly fine because running your own company doesn’t make you better than everyone else. And it certainly doesn’t make me different than any of the other billion start-up founders out there.
I look at it the same way I look at religion. I don’t give a shit what people do or believe in, just don’t cram your beliefs down my throat and insist everyone should follow you. Restrain yourself from doing that and we’ll be cool.
(I think my comments should have a character rate limit on them. Whew. Long! Sorry.)
David – Haha, I had to open the comment in another window to read it and reply intelligently! I’ve left my share of long impassioned comments, so it’s totally fine and always welcome. 😉
That being said…here goes! First off, I laughed right out loud about the emo/goth/punk kids reference. That’s such an interesting way of looking at it.
It’s a delicate line. Because in those groups I knew people who really and truly adhered to their beliefs. They passionately believed in the lifestyle, and they lived it because it was something that made them happy. Unfortunately I believe the majority of the people in those groups did it because they drank the Kool-Aid and really liked how black and pasty white looked together. You can see it especially as they get older. Some stay true to the ideals and beliefs, others traded black lipstick and chain-wallets for pink sorority letters and 3-piece suits.
I’m not necessarily opposed to the concept couch surfing or traveling or entrepreneurship. Some people are VERY happy doing it (I’ve certainly done my fair share in the past year) and I think that they are experiences that definitely help to shape you. But I’m opposed to this mindset that any of those things is going to be the magic pill that will absolutely change your life for the better.
Because there are no magic pills in this life. (No David, before you respond, not even Viagra is magic…)
I’m friends with and admire a fair number of minimalist/location independent/entrepreneur/lifestyle design/etc writers and I think they believe in what they are doing 100%. But you are right. Not more than two internet stone tosses away is someone in goth makeup and punk clothing jumping on the bandwagon trying desperately to belong or fit in or make their lives better because they don’t know how to do it themselves.
And this constant message that everything they are doing is right for everyone and everything everyone else is doing is wrong or somehow “not as good.” Did none of them grow up with Diff’rent Strokes as a child?!
It’s a very accurate comparison to religion, as they all focus on ideologies. I’m intrigued by many different pieces of many different religions but don’t ascribe or devote myself to any. But there are people who do. I’m extremely drawn to learn more about their religion when they are just living it and sharing it, not telling me it is the ONLY way and I’m going to hell if I don’t believe.
And I think we can all agree on crusty socks, cause that just sounds gross. 😀
Thanks for the shoutout Elisa!
This reminds me of the punks or rebels in High School who didn’t want to conform to the “preps” so they conform to something different.
The hard part here is everyone wants to belong. Everyone wants to be a part of something. That’s not bad, but doing something just because other people around you are doing it, isn’t a great idea (whether they’re maintaining or rebelling against the status quo).
Joel – Thanks for writing such shout-able post! 🙂
And yes, it’s very much about not wanting to conform to something is that often we just end up conforming to something else. It’s all right to belong, hell, I think it’s all right to live out of a backpack and hut-surf your way through Africa if it’s what you want.
But you are totally correct, you shouldn’t do it just because other people around you are doing it as well.
And now you’re part of the new wave of people (and I’ve seen many) telling people not to listen to other people telling them how to live 😛
Really, all this talk about what one should or should not do is nonsense. The upsetters will upset, and the rest will follow. This is the story of the world, regardless of the way.
Here’s the thing: I don’t care if we build a new status quo, as long as it’s a status quo of people living for themselves, being more independent, being critical thinkers. I would welcome that status quo, although we’re FAR from it.
Carlos – Believe me, the irony of writing a post about telling people not to listen to what other people tell them was not lost on me. 😉
And I don’t necessarily see a problem with the ideologies that are reinforced. If people have figured out how to travel hack their way through the world, kudos. If that makes them blissfully happy, I’m happy. If they want to share their “How-To’s” with other people so THEY can travel hack and be blissfully happy, more power to them.
I have a problem with people blindly following them and thinking that moving across the country or selling everything you own or Eat Pray Loving your way through existence is going to somehow make your circumstance and life better.
And most importantly that they are doing that because they think that this is making them individuals or rebels denying all things status quo. You are certainly not a critical thinker if the only thoughts you have are what other people tell you to think.
I don’t like to impose a lot of shoulds, but I think one absolute one is that you SHOULD make decisions because they feel right to you, not because you read somewhere that X would bring you happiness. Otherwise we might as well just become a world-wide dictatorship and call it a day…
I did get that point from your post, but here’s the thing: do you really believe choosing the “selling all your stuff and traveling the world” is a path that one can choose loosely, just because someone said they should?
Let’s compare difficulty: the traditional path involves going to school, getting a job, and staying in one place, right? The “new” status quo involves… who the hell knows?! That’s the point, every person that chooses this has to REALLY think hard about what they are doing, no one is persuaded to do take such a drastic change of life just by reading a couple of posts without thinking it through over and over again, without going nuts about all the imponderables.
Can they regret it? Sure, but I question the idea that those people are following other people’s paths “blindly.” Just because they follow doesn’t mean they do it blindly. Maybe they follow because it simply makes sense.
I don’t believe that actively doing those things are decisions people take lightly. But I do believe that many people escape into the fantasy of it, and half-ass a belief in the ideology. Only to half-ass another belief when the next “cool belief” comes in to play.
Like that friend who is a different religion every 4 months. Curious about everything, good person who is interested in growing, but keeps expecting something else to provide them the beliefs that they need to find inside themselves.
Yes, I think there are MANY people in this world for whom a college degree and steady job are a coveted challenge. One that they work hard for and are thus damn proud of.
Who are we to say that their “quo” is so much worse than this new one? I think it’s *easy* for us to look at something *we* find easy and assume it is that way for everyone else. Or that our dreams don’t involve a house and kids and picket fences, so for people who have that dream they must be settling.
Such is the downfall of privilege.
I’ve found myself doing a lot of that…”Hm, maybe I shoulllddd…” and then I contemplate BECOMING all of these things that I’ve never necessarily wanted to become, but I see it working for someone else, so I think “what the hell? Why not me too?” And I realize that’s mostly a reflection of my aching desire to get out the place I’m in and into a better one….that the “thing” I could become won’t change anything…lovely post dear.
Chelsea – Here’s the deal. I’m going to send you all my posts. You summarize them into a snippet that makes 100% more sense than my entire blog post, and I’ll use it as my excerpt.
I will pay you in wine and chocolate.
Deal? 😀
Seriously, yes, that’s precisely what I mean. I’ve fallen victim before AND I see others falling victim. So desperate to escape their current life and situation that they’ll try anything that seems to have worked for someone else.
Unfortunate thing is that running from your demons rarely destroys them.
I couldn’t agree more with this post. It doesn’t matter how many books and blog posts you read about people making drastic changes and ending up happier and better. It’s all completely irrelevant. Following other people’s dreams and footsteps will likely result in you being more miserable. YOU are the only one who can decide when and if you need to make a change in your life. Everyone needs to build their “ideal” life on their own terms. Rushing into a big life change just because it worked for someone else simply isn’t smart. Ask yourself, “Is this really something I want to do?” Then, decide. Don’t just blindly chase someone else’s dream because you want to escape your life. Everyone needs to carve their own path.
Jessica – Yes yes yes, that’s a PERFECT way of stating it. Following other people’s dreams. Building life on your own terms. Basing it on what you want it to be – NOT what you want to escape from.
Thanks for the comment…maybe you and Chelsea can collaborate on my synapses? 😉