Tears are a funny thing.
We cry when we are happy. We cry when we are sad. We cry when we get something in our eyes and we cry when there’s some sort of eyeball trauma.
Scientifically, we shed tears to release hormones which build up during intense times of stress. Thursday and Friday were days filled with happy and sad tears, and everything in between for me.
My friend, Jayson Nichols, passed away on August 7, 2010 after a valiant and hard-fought battle with brain cancer. As if I didn’t effing hate cancer enough, this pretty much put me over the edge. He was only 31 years old.
I met Jay through his brother, an extremely good friend of mine (and one of “my boys“) and some would observe that Jay was not a “close friend” of mine. I mean, if he passed me on the street he would stop and hug me and see how I was and all, but we didn’t speak weekly or anything.
But that’s just the kind of person Jay was. He met me once and immediately added me on Facebook. He was crazy and goofy, making people laugh and putting them at ease. He would talk to the shyest person in a room to bring them out of their shell, and for his friends and family he was one of those people that truly would have given you the shirt of his back. He also had this belief that people were generally faking it – announcing at our last Relay for Life event that we’d all feel silly when he finally admitted “he was faking this cancer thing the whole time.”
And it sucks that he is gone. Because the world needs more people like Jayson Nichols in it. Last week, we wept at opportune and inopportune moments, grieving our loss. Capturing moments in our day to fixate on the empty spaces where he used to sit and chat. Where he used to lay when he was too tired from chemo. Where we were when we first learned of his diagnosis.
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Lesley Magno
At his funeral, between silent heaving sobs (I don’t really like people seeing me cry, being vulnerable like that) I listened to the memories everyone had and the messages that were passed on. They quoted from The Book of Ecclesiastes, reminding us that there is a season and time for everything.
That for every moment of happiness and laughter there is also a time for sadness and tears.
That for every time remembered, there is a searing pain for memories that will never be.
That for friend that has been lost, there is another friend who is gained.*
Tears happen, whether we are mourning at funerals or bursting at weddings.
It’s all a part of the beautiful balance of life. And the living of that life is comprised of how we react to the things that happen around us. We can choose to dwell in the pain or we can strive to cling to the sun.
Jay reminded us that we can grieve the fact that his life was cut far too short, or we can rejoice in the wonderful life he had.
Life is about those moments. Those fleeting times that flash before our eyes, that we miss because we are focusing too much on what is to come. Our futures are never guaranteed. You cannot know what is going to happen. We only have the moments of now. Hysterical laughter with friends playing soccer and “tackle” in the yard with kids. The way a lover’s hand feels as they caress your face and look into your eyes. The feeling of pride that swells with a job well done.
The tears you cry remembering a friend with whom you will have no more of these memories.
And the smiles that creep onto your face, remembering the memories you get to keep.
I promise Jay, we’ll Never Quit. Enjoy the Sox games. You’ve gotta have a pretty sweet view!
Wow Elisa. You and your post; always making me ponder. Your words here are so angelic. I am so sorry for your lost. He was so young too! Infuriating how life takes the good people from us (and I do speak of experience). Makes us feel like it’s not fair, “why me?”. I do admire your strength, the correct words you used for this post and all of your writing,(thought I should let you know), what you do. I’m referring to the American Cancer Society Relay for Life page you have going on. Thank you. Thank you because you are making a change, a change that most of us are scared to make.
Keep that chin up girl. He knows and is proud of what you are doing on his name.
i’ve tweeted you, but again, i wanted to tell you i’m sorry for your lost. this post was beautifully written.
my favorite part of this post:
“Life is about those moments. Those fleeting times that flash before our eyes, that we miss because we are focusing too much on what is to come. Our futures are never guaranteed. You cannot know what is going to happen. We only have the moments of now. Hysterical laughter with friends playing soccer and “tackle” in the yard with kids. The way a lover’s hand feels as they caress your face and look into your eyes. The feeling of pride that swells with a job well done.”
Yup… should have listened to you and not read this at work at my desk. Cause the tears are coming. This is so beautiful and such a true tribute to Jay. I didn’t spend nearly as much time with Jay as many others, but the time I did spend with him was filled with laughter, stories and knee slapping jokes. He was an amazing person and the loss of him in this world is tragic. However, from his tragedy I’ve learned to appreciate my friends much more, love life more and thank whoever it is every day that I have my family by my side. I do love you Paco and hope you realize how thankful I am to have you.
We will Never Quit Jay, never. And if we don’t figure this out in my lifetime I will pass your motto to my kids and teach them what it means to Never Quit. We love you and will forever miss you!
Elisa: I know I said this before, but I don’t think it can be said enough — I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I had more to say, but I hope you know the depths of my understanding and sympathy. Keep your heart strong, keep loving, keep caring, and keep smiling. Always. Hugs.
This is so beautiful written!:) Great job as always
Elisa, this was incredible. My brother would have been very proud of you for this, and probably would have made fun of you a bit for crying, lol. I thank you again for this great tribute to Jay, it means a lot to me & my family. You are the best
Wally
I am so sorry for your loss. Beautiful post.
Elisa – I’m so sorry for your loss, but glad you met Jay and knew him as a person. It absolutely is heartbreaking to lose a friend, but would have been even worse had you never met him at all. Head up and stay strong.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Unfortunately, I know how you feel. Sunday marked the two year anniversary of the day my friend Max passed away. It’s different when you lose a friend. When it’s a grandparent or someone older, you’re still incredibly sad, but you know they’ve (hopefully) lived a pretty full life. What I’ve learned is that the best tribute we can make to our friends who were taken from us too soon is to live our lives to the fullest. We have to keep on going and realize how lucky we are to be alive, and the many blessings we have. My thoughts are with you. If you need to talk, let me know.
No one can know the pain of one’s heart in such a tragic time unless they have once felt it themselves. People always struggle with the right consoling words to say, when all that is needed is an understanding glance and a warm, all encompassing embrace. Please allow me to share these gestures with you in your time of loss. I realize time has passed, but the emptiness may still linger. And you have granted Jayson a bit of immortality by sharing him with us. Thank you.