I didn’t want to speak the honest truth
So I spit out lies that aimed to soothe
Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe~ Paloma Faith, Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful
My mouth gets me in a lot of trouble.
Not like bar fight trouble (ok, sometimes it does that as well)
But the more subtle kind of trouble that tarnishes friendships and costs me jobs.
My mouth is far too honest for its own good.
For my freshman lit class we were all assigned the book Lies My Teacher Told Me. The book tore at my very sensibilities. It was important to learn the good and the bad parts of history. To understand how stories are framed for audiences. The parts that are required and the parts that are omitted.
Yet at the same time, I questioned some of the stories. Did I really care that Helen Keller was a Socialist, who supported many beliefs and candidates from the Communist party? Did that make the fact that she became a world famous speaker and advocate less important?
Did I even understand why being a Socialist and/or Communist was really a bad thing?
When we had to write our literary essays on the book, I invoked one of the most brilliant source of philosophy I knew: The Simpsons.
There’s an episode where Lisa, precocious little intellectual trouble-maker that she is, discovers the truth about her town’s founder – Jebediah Springfield. Turns out he was not the colonial pioneer that the whole town has built their heritage on. He was a murderous philandering pirate who used the people of Springfield. Lisa, armed with this iconoclastic knowledge, goes rushing to the center of town to declare the lies to the community during their Founders Day celebration.
Seeing the happiness on everyone’s face and the way that the dysfunctional town of Springfield is pulled together by the lie of a good man, Lisa realizes the beautiful lie does more for people than the ugly truth. She declares Jeb to be a good man, and let’s the town go on believing the fantasy.
The fantasy creates a better reality in her mind than reality.
We are conditioned to believe that we want the truth. We want the basics. We want the realities.
But people really don’t want to hear the truth most of the time. Even when they ask for it.
They want to hear a beautiful lie.
When we start a business we don’t want someone to honestly assess our potential for the future. We want them to buy a glass of lemonade from our stand and smile at our accomplishment.
And as most men can attest, when we ask “Do these jeans make me look fat” there is no possibly correct answer to give.
The truth can hurt.
No one likes to be sucker punched by reality.
So we suffer through a blissful ignorance. Clinging to anything that reinforces our beautiful lie. Forcibly renouncing anything that makes us aware of the tenuous grasp we have on our happiness.
Do you want the truth in your life? Can you handle the truth?
Or do you want something beautiful instead?
I don’t think you can create real beauty without truth. For instance, I enjoy cooking quite a bit. Naturally, I want to get better all the time, but how can I with absolutely honest criticism. Without the truth I am sent down a false path where I cannot cook something spectacular from the lessons learn. The more honest we are with each other, the better, and more beautiful, people we can become.
Can’t say that I disagree…the truth is something that is sorely lacking in most interactions.
I also think, however, that many people avoid the truth because they don’t want to have an ugly conversation. Sure, your cooking will be better if people offer their honest opinion of your dishes. But then they have to see that twinge of hurt on your face, deal with what might be defensiveness, and have the whole awkward discussion of WHAT they didn’t like.
The world would be better with more truths, definitely more beautiful in the long-run. But in our immediate reaction world, a pretty lie now often seems/feels better than a hard-fought truth.
I agree – Most people want to hear what they want to hear. I find this frustrating when communicating within my own niche. When I don’t provide the answer someone is hoping I’ll validate – they hollar back with a long list of reasons justifying their position. Why ask if you don’t want the truth? Why bother if you’re not going to be open to learning?? I do try to soften the blow with some positives first, but I find the insecure responses maddening some days. I see true friends/professionals/teachers, etc… as those who will always tell me the truth, whether it’s what I want to hear it or not. 🙂
Haha, I have said many a time “Don’t ask questions that you don’t want to hear the answer to” when people start down a line of conversation that I know isn’t going to end well.
It’s SO frustrating when people are hiring you/asking your opinion only to realize they really aren’t ready to hear it. People like to be happy and placated. I can’t say that I blame them. The world can be a shitty enough place already. A few well-place niceties are sometimes all someone has to look forward to.
Hmmm, I was a child who found it almost impossible to lie, and the older I got, the more so I became. I’m also someone who easily gets obsessed with keeping people happy. Imagine the predicament.
I’ve found the speaking the truth lovingly, finding ways to say it kindly, really is possible, but like Elisa said, I often start with the positives before I get to the difficult stuff, then try to end the “sandwich” with more positives. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but I think the truth is worth it. And…this just occurred to me…sometimes silence, the absence of having to chime in with the correct answer, is the right thing too.
Someone once told me “you are the nicest bitch I’ve ever known.” I also frequently tell my editing clients I am about to “tough love the shit out of them”. I like to prepare people for the honest dialogue that is about to unfold. 🙂
I don’t like lying. Especially when people are asking for my honest opinion or truth. I don’t understand why people would rather have a superficial relationship with friends and family based on everyone being nice rather than deeper relationships that are based in honesty. But I see it happen again and again and again.
The truth is too much for anyone to handle, and I see this every day. People dump me on facebook because I cuss, stop hanging out with me because I really don’t want kids and don’t lie and then most recently I quit my job because my boss was pushing me more and more and not listening to the stress and problems. I never understood it. I don’t cuss at people, tell people they shouldn’t have kids and tried for 4 months to get different responsibilities. I think all of them would have loved me to be a “yes” man… something I cannot do all of the time 🙁
Facebook is like a petri dish for bad karma, hurt feelings, and blowing things out of proportion. I don’t understand people’s fascination with cussing online. It’s just a word, people.
I had a similar boss. He actually told me once he’d rather I make something up about how good things were than evaluate the problems with our department. Chipped away at me pretty fast!
This is a fascinating theme to think about. I try to see as much reality as I can. I prefer truth. But the truth is that most people don’t want the truth. Sadly, you have to take that into consideration every day.
On a side note, this is a theme that Chris Nolan is going to brilliantly explore with the third installment of the Batman movies. We were left at the end of the second movie with a beautiful lie. I guess we’ll see where that gets Gotham. 🙂
I’m with you Jay. I prefer truth and seek it out. Lots of heartbreak and harsh realities that route though. I guess Jack-o was right, most people can’t handle the truth. 🙂
For as huge a geeky comic book and movie fan as I am, I haven’t seen any of Nolan’s Batmans yet (incuding Dark Knight). I know. I should probably get on that!